Being comfortable with the discomfort

****Written at the beginning of September 2016****

I want to talk about addiction. Not likely what you consider to be the general idea of addiction.

For the last two years I’ve told people I’ve been in recovery and many will ask if I’ve been in rehab. I answer “yes, but not likely the way you think.”

I’ve had many addictions over the years. as a human, I think it’s part of our condition to latch onto something that makes us feel good. Whether it’s coffee, chocolate, sex, alcohol, self-medicating, or work, it’s all addiction.

I’d never thought of the fact that I’d also been addicted to feeling a certain way.

My mentor Joseph Ghabi has often mentioned that I’m too comfortable in the discomfort, meaning that I’ve been conditioned or ‘programmed’ to feel and act a certain way based on experiences in my life, regardless of whether they were healthy or not.

It’s been just about a decade since a cancer diagnosis that threw me off my trajectory as a young 29 year old, and I’ve just recognized that I’m almost nearing the point where I’ve reclaimed my body since treatment knocked the life out of me. I didn’t recognize that after my illness, that I couldn’t treat my body or mind the same way again. I continued to push and over three and half years ago, landed a position in a job that I’d thought I’d wanted. I hadn’t fully healed from my experience yet, so throwing myself into that was like burying myself in a dungeon, and a vortex that I completely lost who I thought I was.

Up until a few months ago, the darkness had persisted more than I would’ve liked, though I never let up with persisiting to work through all the pieces that had been broken off and woven into a web of denial and angst.

Not wanting to let go of anything or knowing how to, I allowed myself to be labeled as depressed, anxious and burnt out. Even a ‘cancer survivor’ created walls around me.

I’ve learned that in many ways, my inability to express my emotions and repressing feelings, psychosomatically manifested itself into the variety of symptoms and illnesses I’ve had over the years. A very tough pill to swallow in terms of taking ownership and responsibility for my life – good and bad.

This 10 year clear landmark has left me feeling uncertain and out of place, not wanting to discuss much or celebrate and today I’ve understood why.

Through a lot of hard work with a variety of wellness and holistic practitioners, I’ve let go of a lot of what’s held me back from being the best version of myself. Through spiritual work and connection to myself and pieces of my spirit that have in the past been scattered through trauma, I’ve been reconnecting and healing, hence the ‘in recovery.’

I’ve realized that the anxiety I feel at this 10 year mark is because I’m afraid of letting go of what’s left of feeling victimized and afraid to move forward in my strength and increased capability. I’ve been comfortable in the discomfort, but I now realize how freaking amazing it feels to be comfortable in the comfort and peace I’ve worked so hard towards. I’m not 100% there yet, but awareness is always key and I have loads of that.

An Attitude Of Gratitude

I have so much gratitude for those that have crossed my path this year. There have been a few challenges, but nothing I can’t handle. I’ve recognized how much I’ve needed to change my perception and keep on top of those nasty thoughts by that little lady sitting on my shoulder. “You’re not good enough,” she says. “You can’t do that!” “Who do you think you are?” she screams. “You’re not worthy or deserving of goodness.” Pfft. I have to say, if I said that to a friend of mine, I highly doubt I’d be that person’s friend anymore, right? So, what makes it ok to say those things to myself?

NOTHING. Not a DAMN thing! Ok, so now that we’ve got that straightened out, you ask “How the heck do you change the voice of that little person yelling into your ear from your shoulder?”

And I answer: Change the way you think.

Ahhhh, yes, changing your belief systems. Not as simple as it may sound.

Many of us grew up hearing those similar things from our parents, teachers, peers, boyfriends, girlfriends, co-workers, media, television, etc. The list goes on. What we heard before we were around the age of eight has likely so deeply permeated into your sense of being, you’ve forgotten that it’s not even yours.

Where do you think you heard “you’ll never make anything as an artist,” “money doesn’t grow on trees,” “you have to work hard to be successful?” Chances are, it was from your parents. Now, I’m not giving parents a bad rap here, they were doing the best they could with what they knew. But now you are aware of something better.

I’ve been on the path of adjusting my limiting belief systems and old patterns and it’s bit by bit, day by day. Every moment is a chance for me to change everything and it all started with my thoughts. I’ve gotten rid of the words ‘try’ and ‘know’ from my vocabulary because they’re limiting. To the Universe ‘know’ equals ‘no.’ No chance I’m going to move anywhere or learn anything if I think I ‘know’ everything. And ‘trying’ isn’t going to get me anywhere either is it?

The great Yoda once said “Do or do not, there is no try.”

There’s a lot more I could write about this topic, and I will in future posts, but for now, I have an attitude of gratitude for those that keep me in check for my negative thoughts. Everything is the Law of Attraction. That which I think about most becomes a thing. In other words, whatever I think about, manifests into the present and future.

Be careful of what you think and say and one of the most important tools I’ve added to my daily practice is, do a gratitude journal right before bed. I’m thinking about what I’m most thankful for before I go to sleep, which means I’m focused on that for however long I’m in dreamland. Colin Sprake’s 3 Day Business Mastery – Power in You got me started on 30 Days to More…Success, Gratitude, Big Dreams & Happiness. I look forward to it every night before I go to bed.

Thanks for reading.

In light, love and laughter.

Jennifer Marie

Sniff, sniff… I have a cold, and I could be mad about it

But I’m not. While being sick wasn’t how I imagined I’d ring in the New Year, it has given me an interesting lesson. I had been fighting this bug off for several days before Christmas and given all the festivities planned, wasn’t entertaining the idea that I would get sick. I did my daily Morter March, Qigong set and PEMF treatments (more on that in another post). After all the things planned had gone off without a hitch, strangely my mind started to believe getting sick was possible. 

 The daily sore throat wasn’t going away, the body aches became more severe and on the Eve of New Year’s Eve, it hit me. Boy was I ever resentful of who I could’ve possibly gotten sick from.

The thought process of feeling resentful only hindered my ability to fight it off and after midnight hit January 1, I was curled up in bed under at least seven layers of cuddly goodness. My partner lay next to me, sipping his New Years libation, the screen of his smart phone too much for even my closed eyes to bare. Yep, I was an irritated, drippy mess.
 

That day I had pushed myself and changed plans last minute to spend some time with my dad in the US. We don’t see each other too often, namely based on childhood and adulthood tensions, but I had some paperwork he needed ASAP. Thankfully Stefan drove down and we spent several hours setting up and then playing on his Nintendo WII. I had fun, but deep down I recognized I’d done it again – not listened to myself while my body was screaming at me.

Stefan had fun rocking the guitar on WII Rock Band. 

More often than not, I give away my personal power to help or make other people feel better. Some of the time I feel good about it, but others, there’s a strong resentment which makes me realize I need to bring the power back to myself.

Feeling unhappy about a decision I had made wasn’t going to do me any good moving forward, so I decided to change my thinking. (I truly thank Joseph Ghabi and Stefan Sczyrba for their help and persistence on this topic). Instead of being upset for being sick, I began to see I had choice of the possible positive side of the situation.

“What in heavens would be the positive side of being sick?” you ask. 

Well, think of it this way. The body is purging that which no longer supports it to it’s highest frequency. That which doesn’t allow it to provide the greatest good for itself and all it serves.

Changes things a bit doesn’t it?

In essence, all the energy work I’ve been doing this last year and a half, effects all forms of what makes us human: the Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual bodies (or PEMS for short).

Making a change in one, effects them all.

I found a really interesting article by a Shaman that explains this in more detail: The Energy Purge: Feeling Sick After Energetic or Spiritual Work?

Upon undergoing an energetic change in your energetic body, in this case, we are referring the healing in which low energy is removed and replaced with high energy, there is a change in the other two bodies – and often, there is a lag time between the changes.

This is the energy purge. You are purging old, low energy and replacing it with new, healed, high energy.

it happens first, in an energy healing, at the level of energy.and then, it has to reverberate through the other two bodies – the physical and the spiritual.

An energy purge occurs on ALL levels when you undergo an energy healing, because all are connected and all levels are comprised of energy. There is often a lag with this, because it takes time for your physical and spiritual bodies to adjust to and begin to shift their old states of being to the the new tale that the energy is telling.

Your physical body and your spiritual body have to shift out old, low states, too. Because these are the states that once matched your old energetic state.

So tonight, a few days later and still purging, I’m gentle with myself, asking for help when I need it and not pushing. So off to bed I go, with so many more ideas of what to write bouncing through my head…I could write for days on these topics. 

I would love to hear about your experiences with this and any thoughts you may have about the topic. Let’s engage!

Patterns

This was written June 30, 2012, edited in 2014 and not published until now. Wow, what a few years it’s been. Since deciding to go by the full name I was born with, Jennifer Marie Luce just to have availability to my full potential, I’m noticing things.

First off, people love “Jennifer.” Who knew?

“It’s pretty,” I heard.

As I answer the phone with my introduction, people respond: “Wow, you sound so official.”

Can’t say I ever heard that with “Jen.” And now that I think about it, Jen sounds like phlegm. Ha ha. Eww. Jennifer doesn’t rhyme with anything (does it?). It just flows. And I need flow in my life.

Yaay me. Thanks again to Joseph Ghabi for opening my eyes.

So, onto the rest of the week. Saturday night I changed the name, and as I was going to bed, earplugs in (to sleep through the cat playing), I heard words being spoken, as if by people on the phone, however as I sat up and pulled out the earplugs, I still continued to hear them. They were a melange of people from around the world having conversations about their strife in the world. As I tuned in, I could hear men and women. I got frightened and then the sounds disappeared. I realized this was my clair-audience and fell back asleep. 

On another occasion in 2014, I was wearing red and black, then saw red, black, red, black, red, black cars in the City Hall parking lot as I returned back from the mall at lunch.

Walking into the office, I find a red and black ladybug on my dress. Coincidence?

At the time I wasn’t sure, but then began to see more patterns. To be honest, it had been years since I had been seeing them. Now, over tyears later, I understand why. It’s been my angels and guides trying to get in touch with me. There’s a lot of information out there about the ethereal. Guides. Ascended masters. Angels. Spirit animals. Starseeds. So much more. I often see patterns with the colours of cars. For example, as of late, I see three white cars. Or most recently four black or darker coloured cars. According to a book by Inna Segal called “The Secret Language of Your Body,”

White includes the entire  colour spectrum and heals the whole body. It is great for clearing toxicity from the body and purifying it. When treating with white, it is important to combine it with another colour beneficial to the part of the body needing to be healed.

White assists with clarity and understanding. it is the colour of choice, honesty, purity, protection, and reflection. it supports people reaching for their dreams, gives them courage to face challenges, and shows them the bigger picture.

Use white to create balance, replenish your spiritual strength and vision, and open up to infinite possibilities. White also has an ability o dissipate negative thoughts and feelings between people. It brings peace and comfort at the highest level.

White represents integrity, light, holiness, truth, and surrender. it softens, moisturizes, and revitalizes the skin and can be very helpful in healing skin problems. White is also cooling and refreshing, which is why people love to wear it in hot weather. White can both hide and reveal.

Overuse of white can lead to feeling depleted and washed out.

Interesting hey?

Numbers are other patterns. Have you ever noticed seeing 11:11 a lot or 3:33, $14.44? The list goes on. One day in a lineup at the border I was drawn to look at two other cars in parallel lanes. My licence plate was BKN 738. In front directly to my right was a vehicle of a different colour, with CLO 739, and then in the lane to the right of them and a few cars up, DMP 740. Coincidence? I think not. Do you see the pattern? Something was trying to get my attention. What, I’m not sure of. Up until late 2014, I’d never had a great understanding around angels. Spirits have visited me since I was young, but angels always seem far fetched. Funny, I think, because I believed in the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy when I was a kid, as well as Unicorns and Pegasus’s.

I often see the numbers 111, 11:11 or 33, and according to many mediums and specifically Dorreen Virtue, etc. 11 or 111 means respectively “Stay positive! Your thoughts are materializing rapidly, so you want to ensure positive outcomes by focusing only on the good within yourself, others, and this situation; and this number b rings you the urgent message that you are manifesting instantly, so keep your mindset focused upon your desires. Give any fearful thoughts to Heaven for transmutation.” 33 stands for “You have a strong and clear connection with one or more ascended masters (i.e. dieties or gods like Buddha, Ganesha, Quan Yin, and Shiva), who have answered your call and your prayers. Keep talking to them, as they’re helping you with your present situation.” 333 is “You are completely surrounded, protected, loved, and guided by the benevolent ascended masters.” Another great website I use for a breakdown of numbers is by Joanne Scribes www.sacredscribesangelnumbers.blogspot.ca/p/index-numbers.html.

Buddha came into my life years ago through my best friend. I realize the topic of religion is one to be gentle with as I don’t judge the views of others; I was raised Christian/Catholic. I don’t consider myself religious, but spiritual. Over the last year, I’ve had meditations where I’ve had tea with an eight-armed, ornately adorned woman; seen my partner Stefan’s guides and had them communicate thorough medical; heard and seen things that didn’t exist; helped exorcise a spirit from a friend’s aura; seen evil spirits try to psychically attack; been drawn to things in nature that have shown sacred geometry or other patterns; seen faeries in the woods and had other-worldly, amazing experiences. 

I look forward to sharing more of my journey with you on a more continual basis here forward and would love for you to share yours as well.

I’ve created a new page on Facebook to share these experiences collectively and look forward to hearing more about you. I accept all!

‘Twas the night before, the night before, the night before Christmas…

And all through my heart, 

The love has been growing exponentially.

Romantic films and random acts of kindness,

They all have a part,

During this time of year…and always.

It’s a time to hold your loved ones closer,

To appreciate every bit of everything,

And be reminded to be this way every day.

So Happy Holidays to you and yours,

Wishing that your heart sings,

And is full of love, faith and laughter now and the rest of your days.

Sending love and light to you now and always.



I’ve been thinking

Or rather, have been doing my best to think. What I haven’t recognised is how my insomnia, sleeplessness and therefore sleeping pill consumption, may be affecting my ability to see and think clearly. After doing a bit of research, all the energy I’ve been spending on ensuring I’m de-calcifying my pineal gland in order to better access my intuition and align with my higher self, may be for naught. I haven’t felt more closed off and just last night, began to think the medication, though I may get several hours of uninterrupted sleep, may be worse than not sleeping. I mean, even with it, I haven’t had a full nights sleep in several years. I question whether there’s another reason why I’m not sleeping other than the sleep disorder I’m claimed to have.

Today, I picked up a book I’ve had a challenge sticking to: “I Am the Word,” by Paul Selig. My friend Elaine has been adamant about me reading it, even giving me the audiobook to listen to. I’ve never really given audiobooks a fair try. I feel like I’m not doing enough if I’m sitting around and listening. Like I’m missing a better way to learn by reading the words, hearing it in my head and taking notes. I’m also a sucker for physical books; hardcover preferred, so I have more room to make notes.

Free excerpt from the book here.

Anyhow, I digress.

In the prologue, the channeled spirits mention that it’s my choice on whether I receive their healing. “Am I willing now to be on a path of radical change that will leave me naked and resplendent in my frequency without the tethers to a past self that are no longer serving me?” Of course I said yes! I’m open to the life I’ve always desired and recognise I’m closer to it than I’ve ever been.

The first exercise was to open my seventh chakra on the top of my head and receive energy. To have the energy go through my body and align each centre, chakra, and energy vortex to the highest frequency in preparation for the journey to come. I have no problem connecting to that. In fact, I think I’m not grounded enough as often feel woozy. The second exercise was much more challenging. To work on me individually, which I believe I resist from anyone, they asked me to receive light through my third eye.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I did an exercise I learned from Carol Tuttle, and massaged the middle of my forehead, imagining I was removing eye crusties from my third eye, flicking it open with my fingers.

Still nothing. So, I started researching. One study suggests there’s no effect on sleep with use of pharmaceuticals versus drug free insomniacs. Another study states that CBT is more effective (which I’ve been doing for many years and doesn’t seem to change anything). I couldn’t find any studies on the effects of things on people with higher vibrational frequencies, but In5D has a fantastic article about supplements, medications, sensitivities and spiritual progress? I am an intuitive, empath and highly sensitive person and proud of it. Unfortunately, the traditional ‘systems,’ integrated or not, don’t seem to take this all into account, so mainly, I’m focused on listening to me, even if it is a little clouded right now.

Since the beginning of September, I’ve chosen a lot of changes. I got rid of half of my belongings, moved out of the city I’ve lived in for 30 years, and with assistance, got off of most pharmaceuticals for the depression, PTSD and anxiety I’d been supposedly ‘diagnosed’ with (note the sarcasm here; I’m not labelling myself with something so confining and negative). I’ve taken away most things I would’ve used in the past to numb or distract myself – TV, music, alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana, overeating, overworking, overspending,  oversleeping and more! I’ve added the Morter March by Morter Health Systems (my partner is an upcoming practitioner – message me for details) and Qigong to my daily practice of meditation and reflection, which have definitely helped to begin reprogramming and reframing my thoughts and how I talk, as well as greatly reduce any residual panic, depression and anxiety.

Still, I am searching for a balance and will continue to do so. The In5D article has hit me more than I thought it would and I believe a good nights rest (still with medication for the time being), will be my option until something more solid comes my way. I could write so much more on this topic and will break it down further at another time.

Have any of you experienced insomnia, sleep disorders or the like and are at a heightened state of awareness? Have you found anything that works well for you?

I’m On My Way

So, it’s done. Final edits are with the publisher. Bio and pic sent. Reader’s list completed. I’m not sure how I feel.

My story will now be immortalized yet again, in a public format (see http://www.wrongwaytohope.com for my first) along with 20 co-authors. There’s something big about sharing my life with the world; with all of you. Something so final about letting go of the old. It’s very exciting! The timing couldn’t be better either – 15 days into 2016 is the book launch (I’d love for you to join me – message me for a discount).

  Please share this far and wide, and better yet, purchase a copy before I even have one in my hands. Visit this link for a few options to purchase. You can even get all three collections for an amazing deal! 

There’s also something pretty exciting that you won’t get to see until you get a copy of the book!

Spontaneity is the exquisite expression of the unexpected.