Posts Tagged ‘contact’

Certain words have been following me around for months now:

  • Awareness
  • Abundance
  • Acceptance

My three A’s seem to be following me this year. Although I began the year with the focus on my heart, with thoughts behind love and everything to do with it.

I’m wanting to write about fertility, but without a title being so “in your face.” I am approaching my 35th birthday in June, and I have to say I somewhat dread it. To not yet be married or with a family really gets to me. The ticking of the clock is no longer. It is now similar to the gong on Jimmy Carson’s “Gong Show.” And an appointment I had at Genesis Fertility only confirmed this is the case.

First off, I must say that asking for the referral was the toughest thing for me. Though my oncologist has been telling me now for the past five years to “have a plan” if I wanted to have a family, I think I was too afraid to see where I was at. So, with my impending 35th on it’s way, I figured this was the year. The office was beautiful. Staff were friendly and it was very welcoming, even if I did go on my own. The ultrasound confirmed that I had 14 follicles on my left ovary, one ready to potentially fertilize. Yeah, well, that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. Long story…



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A year is 365.25 days. Every four years, we get an extra day. February 29 is that day, it fell on a Wednesday this year.

Another day to spend, un-wasted, to cherish.

I am reminded of this as I reflect on a workshop I attended the weekend of February 17, led by Anjali Hill called Living From Truth – Contact: The Missing Link. Outside of this weekend, she spends weekends teaching self-esteem, communication, relationships, cycles, and what this weekend was about: contact. Contact can be distinguished as physical, emotional, ideological, psychological, spiritual and with other people’s thoughts.

The weekend was a powerful one for me. I attended it with my mom and a few of my friends. I’m so thankful to have even a couple of people around me who believe in finding their truth. I know I’m trying to figure out exactly what that is and what it means.I learned what it meant to put my attention on another as a conscious being. This meant that my focus was on them no matter what happened around me, or what they were doing.

The work was done in dyads, or partners of two. I’d never experienced anything like it before. I’ve attended retreats in the cancer community that have allowed me to search myself for issues and things I needed to work on, but this was very different. It gave me time to explore all the types of contact there are.

I had an amazing connection with my mom. At the end of the weekend, the last exercise was to spend one minute taking turns giving each other a flower, while giving all our love and gratitude – without words. Sending energy across from each other as we sat in a room full of people who were doing the same exercise, with music playing in the background. Some were with strangers. Some were partners. Some friends. I sobbed uncontrollably in those two minutes and was fully present. Completely vulnerable with no care about how I looked or what I felt. Just experiencing it for what it was. I will take this with me for the rest of my life. I know that in that perfect moment, I expressed all the love I had for her. All the beautiful memories and care I had received from her. My thanks to her as a divine being. And she is. I am so proud of her for being there for me, and with me.

Given to me with pure love and gratitude by my mom

If you were to move from this plane of existence, would your loved ones know just that; that you loved them? If not, what’s so hard about saying the word? What does it bring up for you? Maybe that’s something you need to sit with for a little while. I know it might hurt, but working through it allows space in your life for something wonderful.

A friend of mine shared with me what they had learned from their recently passed uncle – How to love: up to the ceiling, down to the floor, the whole world round, and a lot, lot more. These are words to live by and I hope that I come across that way to the world, because a good part of the time, I feel it. I am it.

So what are you waiting for? Search for your purpose in life if you haven’t already found it.

What do you want to experience or achieve in your life? Who do you want to be? How do you hope to portray yourself to the world?

I feel that in order to answer these questions, you have to be true to yourself. You have to be vulnerable and experience everything you can in this life. It is happening now! Not tomorrow, next week, next month, next year or five years from now. NOW!

Take a leap and enjoy every possibility handed to you. If it’s not right, turn it down and another door will open. But don’t wait another second for your life to begin, because you and I both know, you don’t know what’s around the corner. It could be a fairy-tale come true, or a complete disaster. And I’m an optimist. Yet I’m also a realist.

I’ve learned enough in these short 34 years that being present in every moment is a goal I strive for, because every moment has something beautiful and amazing to offer.

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